March 24 200

bigtips

Adoption can be a good, inexpensive alternative

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Okay, I was wrong. When I told you about my partner and me starting to figure out how to generate children who fit our stringent requirements for living in our home, and calling us both mom, I dismissed adoption out of hand as too expensive to consider seriously.

That quick description of where we ended up didn't explain how we got there. Actually, we considered adoption first, quite seriously, and heard some horror stories about people having their children taken away, and birth mothers changing their minds (which is obviously their right, but painful for anticipant adopters).

A male couple I knew had just adopted a wonderful kid, and it had been insanely ex-

pensive. Plus, it seemed like waiting lists were long for people not able to pay good lawyers and expensive agency fees.

Truth be told, the birth experience itself was something that we found desirable. It wouldn't make a child any more "ours," but it was an experience in life that we knew could be transformative and thrilling. It would also be free, if we could find a willing and appropriate donor, and probably faster than the adoption process.

We both grew up with several sibs: I'm one of five, and she's one of three. We both agree that we want at the least two children, and probably one or two more than that. To be responsible non-overpopulators, we know

we can "generate" two kids if we wish (and if we can), effectively replacing ourselves. After that, we plan on adopting children, or having foster kids.

By that point in our lives, we'll be a little more financially stable-or So we dream-and we'll have more resources available to negotiate the adoption process. Of course, if we're unable to squeeze them out ourselves, or if the process proves too difficult (or, ironically, expensive), we'll be back to adoption.

Frankly, I don't care how we get her, him or

no cost. Lesbians, both singles and couples, are welcomed as adoptive parents. These are children who are in foster care and who cannot return to their biological families. Want to know more? These are kids of all ages, from newborn to 17 years, so if your dream has always been to start parenting with a 13-yearold, here's your chance. They come in all colors. Many of them, because of what they have experienced, have some problems, but then don't we

BIG TIPS

them. I just want to sniff a fuzzy head, poke the soft spot (not too hard), retch at disgusting diapers, and change my life as I know it.

Dear Big Tipper,

Just read your column about your Big Decision to parent.

Congratulations! I want to share information with you that I hope you will put out to the community-through your column, of course. You commented that adoption costs $15,000. Au contraire! There are children who need families and who are available at

PAT HUGHES

all?

The Feds will pay an adoption subsidy to help the adoptive family meet the costs of any special services the child needs, such as therapy, tutoring, etc.

This is an incredible deal for anyone who wants to begin or add to their family through adoption. Almost anyone can qualify. You need to have an income, but not a big one. You need a decent place to live, but you don't need to own a house or condo and you don't need acres of space. You need have a fairly clean criminal record-no crimes of vio-

lence, recent DWIs or drug charges. You need to be free of substance abuse; if you have a history of this, you will probably be asked to undergo an evaluation to assess that it is no longer a problem. You don't have to pretend to be straight.

In some areas you will be required to get a foster license before a child is placed with you. If you want a child older than five years,

or a sibling group, or a child of color, you are likely to be greeted with loud huzzahs.

How do I know all this? Well, I work for the state, doing adoptive home studies. There are so many kids out there who need someone to love them and believe in them and go to their soccer games.

There are plenty of kids to go around for all the lesbians who want to adopt but think they can't afford to. Cheers!

Dear Heirs to Spare,

I bow to your rightness. Hello, M.T.,

Aces to Place

My partner and I are working on having a baby too. Being guys we have a different set of issues to deal with. We have plenty of sperm... just needed the egg, and a safe place to keep it for nine months. I think we have everyone in place, and hope that a bun

is in the oven come June.

Good luck with starting your family. I just wanted to touch base and say hello. Maybe someday we will get our kids together for a play date.

Dear Baker Man,

Plenty of Swimmers

Good luck, my brothers! If I meet your kid, I'll probably want to poke the soft spot, but I won't do it too hard.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

Ingy, left, sings with

The show must go on

by Michelle Tomko

Google Queens.

Akron-Ingy was not the only one to benefit from and electrifying concert for her, held at Lydia's in Akron, as a full house enjoyed local comics, impromptu jazz, and guest musicians.

The Swamp Boogie Queens rallied around Deborah "Ingy" Ingersoll, an Akron musicia ho was assaulted outside of the club on February 21. The $500 from the Saturday March 18 jam session will go towards medical expenses incurred om the attack.

On hand were

Joyce Scogletti and yours truly, and the Swamp Boogie ning with the much avail was fiddler Joyc Elliot and Ingy herself on the k

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